I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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