I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
