Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
