here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
