I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
