I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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