Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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