You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
