youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
where are my eyebrows?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
