goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
