So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
