I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
