So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize