Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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