Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize