You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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