I think I just saw someone hide a body.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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