Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
