is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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