It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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