If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
