I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
