i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I have post one night stand depression
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