I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
