i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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