I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
