he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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