Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
