meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
She has the best kind of daddy issues
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
