do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
