My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
