If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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