Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
