Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
