Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
