I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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