I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
