Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
