Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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