I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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