You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
This is the high leading the old right now
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
