I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
