Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
