We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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