dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I want to fling myself into the sun
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
