y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
