I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
