sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
