well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
