Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
