In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize