Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
