He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Fuck me I smell like cheese
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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