He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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