Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize