bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
