just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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