I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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