I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
