Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
