I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
