Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
third nipple confirmed
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
