if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
