Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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