Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize