I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize