just come out here and I will go home with you...
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
