I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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