I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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