You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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