you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
