It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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