My girlfriend figured out who you are.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
